Mellow's Corner

Ok, let’s check out facebook. *click*  Ok, so obviously Colleen’s still trying to get a hold of me.  Why doesn’t she ever say anything besides hi? -_-’ *scroll scroll* Hmmm… Mandi broke up again… *scroll scroll*  Man, why is Jenn getting wild.  She’s so sweet.  I hope she starts feeling better soon.  *scroll scroll* Blah blah blah.

Sometimes I just want to close myself off all together.  I had a very good day at work, but it ended on a bad note.  That pharmacist needs to just leave if she’s going to have a crappy attitude.  I’ve decided it’s a good idea for me to vent my frustrations semi-frequently.  I’m finding I’m a much happier person.

I’ve also discovered what makes venting a release.  Venting is an opportunity.  It gives the venter the option of releasing what’s on their mind through their words, but it’s a sort of subconscious/semiconscious choice.  The venter has to let the venting be enough to release the adverse feelings.  Not all problems have a solution and therein lies the therapeutic nature of the release.  It prevents too much pressure from building up when the extra steam can’t be redirected.

I have a little more left to do on this assignment.  I’ll be done before I go to bed.  Let’s see, tomorrow, I’ll have to cut the grass and hopefully I’ll be able to get 2 VCE’s done.  That leaves Monday for a Haiti meeting, and studying.  Blah, I just need some time to rest!  Perhaps I could forgo a sabbath this week?  I’d really rather not, but I don’t think I have much choice this week.  Well, I’m going to finish that assignment and hit the sack early.

I am back home after taking a test I could not have been more prepared for.  I am utterly stunned at my grade.  I read the questions and answers through completely and understood them, and still got a D.  I’ve done consistently poor on one of the teacher’s tests and I’m beginning to think it’s not me.  I went through all of the objectives this teacher gave us throughly and could have taught the class plenty of the information.  I don’t understand what she wants from us since it’s clearly not in the objectives.  I just sent her an e-mail asking for us to meet about it so hopefully I’ll get some clarity.  I don’t know whether I should get ready to retake this course or whether I still stand a chance of passing.  Regardless I’m bound to keep busting my @$$ for whatever I can get.

So what do I do now?  Study?  Sleep?  Play video games?  Cut my grass?  Start working on the homework for next week?

So today for my clinical, I went to a Pediatric Pulmonary Clinic (ie. kids with lung problems).  I LOVED it!  The staff was so warm and friendly and really seemed like family.  The patient’s parents seemed loving and genuinely concerned in how their child was doing.  I saw some parents that really deserve to be admired for the difficult situations that they endure without complaining.  Ever see a child on a ventilator?  How about a child that lives on one?  I watched a mom flawlessly rattle off an entire med-list from memory for her child.  Truly, this is healthcare at its finest.  I learned so much!  Vents; vests; all of the asthma drugs; effective communication between doctors, rt, nurses, and NP; tracheostomies; and how a clinic functions just to name a few.  I utilized my memory like a champ today starting off with 10 names and moving on to vital signs and everything else.  It was truly great.  My niche post grad will be working private practice.  Financially, I’ll weigh my options pre-medschool; but when I’m done with my education, I’m thinking prolly Family Care Doc.  Just wanted to let this out before I took a nap and forgot some of what I learned… tons to look up too now that I think about it.  Maybe I shouldn’t nap… hmmm…

This weekend started off very successfully.  I think the fact that I had Saturday off made it that way though.  Too bad I can’t afford to do that every week.  I got two important assignments done by working hard.  I decided the back porch would be my study area and discovered that getting out of my normal living area proved to be very beneficial.  I found I didn’t do much with the rest of the weekend.  Sunday I went to church, came home, took a nap and caught NFL fever.  I straight made a win/loss chart so i can keep track week to week.  I’ve got it bad >_<  This is new for me.  My chart is pretty sweet though; I might try to upload it.

Confession: I’m kinda embarrassed about this, but I love pokemon.  It was one of my favorite games growing up, and I’ve sorta rediscovered it lately.  That’s all I’m going to say about that.

Rating my music has been a major goal of mine recently as well.  I created a smart playlist to update itself with all the music that doesn’t have any stars.  I’m discovering some sweet music I didn’t know I had, some duplicates to songs I did know I had, and songs that I don’t want to listen to anymore; and I’m still in the A’s.  Identifying and labeling music is helping my library get more organized too.  Well, anyways, It’s time for me to go to bed.  It’s late.

Well, my morning started off crappy to say the least.  I created this blog to be a therapeutic release so, here goes.

I’ve had a strange relationship with a class mate of mine.  I had a crush on her for a little bit, but then I started to notice rude comments and condescending remarks and tones.  Though I had no intentions of starting a romantic relationship, I was hoping for some closure, answers to questions y’know.  Well, this morning, close to a year of guesswork came to a screeching halt.  Apparently she “just doesn’t like me.”  That explains how rude she has been, but it certainly didn’t make me feel any better about the circumstances.  Fact is some of the comments she made hurt quite a bit.  Getting older certainly hasn’t given me a thick skin.  Gore, physical injury, gross deformity, all manner of bodily damage does not bother me, but a couple comments by someone really gets to me.  Well, the story ends with my taking a nap and feeling better about it; not completely better, but good enough that I’m not seriously bothered by it.

This does lead into a fear/anxiety of mine.  I have a somewhat poor image of myself quite often.  I often feel stupid or simple.  I’ve surrounded myself with plenty of bright people and if it’s this easy for one of them to take the wind out of my sails, I’m in trouble.  I wish I had a best friend that I could talk to.  Someone with good ideas, someone available, someone I can trust.  I’m hard-pressed to find someone who cares enough to be truly honest with me these days.  Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 comes to mind pretty often. “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm; but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him; a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” This problem does not seem to have a quick or even imminent solution.  I’ll just have to manage for now.

Well, I’ve got clinicals tomorrow, and there’s still enough of the night left to get an assignment done; so if you’ve read thus far (and even if you haven’t), have a great night.

I’ve been so busy.  There’s too much to report individually so I’ll just cut to the chase.  Lotsa school last week.  I mean a crap load in addition to all of the extra-curricular work I’ve been doing.  My every day last week was packed with something.  My best friend came to Indianapolis for the extended weekend.  It truly was great seeing him.  It’s been such a long time and it’s great to see that he’s still very much the same, perhaps a little more grown up and mature.  The longer you know someone, the more potential there it to work through stuff with them.  I’m starting to deal with those little white shadows and create that supa clean-ness.  I did not get to meet with my cousin like I would have liked to, but that might have been for the best because I don’t know how prepared I would have been for what I wanted to talk about, but hopefully I’ll have another chance soon.  This week isn’t starting off too busy, but it inevitably will be if I don’t start on my assignment soon.

I’ve been rating my music for plentiful reasons.  It’s helping me build my 5 star playlist and filter my other music.  In big haps lately, I also got my passport.  It’s exciting being one step closer to Haiti.  My sister wanted me to buy these Lion King DVD’s on eBay and they turned out to be jank bootlegs.  Well, now the guy is giving us crap about returning it because one of the two is opened.  I sent him a message today saying I knew they were bootlegs and I would report him if he didn’t give me a full refund for both of them.  I want to hear back from him kinda soon so I can send them off and be done with them, but all this ebaying she’s been doing lately is kind of exhausting.  Anyways, I guess I’ll get working on my homework now.  Have a good night everybody!  Music soon to follow.

Guilty as charged.